How to Declutter When Others Aren't On Board: Tips and Strategies
Embarking on a decluttering journey can be an empowering and transformative experience. However, it's not uncommon to encounter resistance from others in your household who may not share your enthusiasm for simplifying and organising your living space. So, how can you navigate this challenge and kickstart your decluttering journey even when others aren't fully on board?
One of the most frequently asked questions I get asked is “Can I still declutter even if no one else in my space is on board?” My response is a big YES! But before you start discarding with gusto, here are some important things to consider, and some tips and strategies to help you overcome this hurdle and create a more harmonious living environment. Folllow these and you may find you inspire others!
Understanding the Challenge
In households with multiple occupants, differing perspectives on clutter and organisation can also lead to tension. Before diving into solutions, it's essential to understand why some people may be resistant to decluttering. While one person may thrive in a minimalist environment, another may feel overwhelmed by the idea of parting with belongings they perceive as valuable or necessary.
Take the time to develop an understanding of where others in the household sit about personal and household possessions. Then with this knowledge, here are some practical strategies for your decluttering efforts while respecting the perspectives and boundaries of others in your space.
Strategies for Success
Do NOT
Force people to join you in the tidying or shame or blame them for the mess. This approach is not likely to result in change, rather it is only likely to result in further resistance. Tidying is a lifestyle activity and like any lifestyle choice is a personal decision. Have you ever had someone tell you that you need to lose weight, quit smoking, reduce drinking, increase exercise, or consume a healthier diet? Chances are that you didn’t follow their direction and perhaps dug your heels in even further. Forcing lifestyle changes on other people, and using shame and guilt are not effective methods to engage people. A far more effective strategy is to lead by example. More below on how to do this in the ‘What To Do’ tips!
Discard possessions that belong entirely to another person. I had a client whose aunt was so enthused after seeing my client’s work in the Clothing Category that she went home and decluttered her and her husband’s wardrobe. She later shared that her husband was not so impressed with her efforts. She had learned a very valuable lesson - what doesn’t spark joy for you, may spark joy for someone else. Joy checking is a very personal activity, so please do not discard the personal possessions of others.
Sharing a space can be difficult!
Do not tidy shame, but rather lead by example. Focus on your possessions first and agree on the shelving you will each have.
What to DO
Communicate Your Intentions: Let those sharing your space know ahead of time that you are undertaking a tidying process. Let them know the process you will be undertaking, why decluttering is important to you, and what you hope to achieve personally and how it will benefit everyone. Reassure them that you will not be touching their items. Give them the heads up (and reassurance) that there may be some shared items that you will need their input on.
Focus on your possessions first. The first category in the KonMari Method is Clothing (clothes, shoes, and accessories) and this is what you have complete control over. (your clothing only). As you move through the next categories (Books, Paper, Komono, Sentimental), there may be jointly owned items. This does not mean you need to consult others on every shared item, but rather only those items you think they may have an attachment to or value. For example, they may not care (or notice) if you discard 10 of the 20 Tupperware containers, but a crystal decanter, gifted to you both from their relative may need a conversation.
Involve them in shared items: Set aside any of the items you are considering discarding that those you share the space with may have some attachment to or an opinion. Request they check before you discard. However, to ensure this pile doesn’t sit there forever, I recommend you support them to work through the pile or set a deadline. If they don’t meet the deadline or negotiate an extension, then the item wasn’t that important!
Lead by Example: One of the most effective ways to inspire others to declutter is by leading by example. Showcasing the benefits of a clutter-free environment through your actions can gradually influence those around you to follow suit. As they witness the positive impact of decluttering on your life, they may become more receptive to the idea. So remember to share your positive experiences. This could be how much lighter you feel, how easy it is to find things and things don’t get lost, the money you have saved from not overbuying (or made from selling items), the joy of giving away possessions, and the list goes on. To be honest, when I finished my KonMari tidying festival I couldn’t stop telling people about the process and the positive personal outcomes. I did wonder if people might get sick of my stories, but what I noticed is that the people I talked to went away and started their decluttering and sending me photos of their decluttering work. Positivity and tidying are contagious!
Once you have learned the skills of tidying, you will be able to support those around you when they show an interest in tidying. When you do see this interest emerge you could demonstrate an element of the KonMari method, for example, joy checking, folding, or storing. Do the activity together providing positive reinforcement, and acceptance of their personal joy criteria. There can be great opportunities to model your tidying skills to children in your space.
Set Boundaries It is important to establish clear boundaries for space and storage to prevent clutter from re-accumulating. I have heard many people comment that when they have decluttered and have empty spaces in shared wardrobes and shelves, others start filling those spaces with their clutter. It is important to make it clear right from the start that you are choosing to have an empty shelf or clean surface and the availability to use it for a future item that sparks joy.
Be Prepared to Compromise: Be patient and supportive. Accept that you may not be able to change the views of others on their clutter and you may need to compromise. Whilst having a box of outdated, tangled cords may not make sense to you, it does to them. It then becomes a conversation about where these items are stored and agreeing on boundaries for storage. If their clutter is bothering you, then think about how you might compromise and create some solutions. Perhaps you can both agree on a space they can store all of their clutter to alleviate your stress, for example in their containers, a cupboard, or the shed.
Use visual prompts: Set up a donation bag or box somewhere in the house. This will be helpful for you moving forward as you identify items that you are now ready to discard, but it can also serve as a visual prompt for others sharing your space.
Donation Bag
Have a donation bag or box in eyesight as a visual reminder.
Good luck with your tidying! I’d love to hear how you go, so remember to tag Live Life Organised in your posts or comment below. If you would like to discuss how Life Life Organised can help you to live a simpler life, register for a free consultation on my calendar or send me a message via my contact form.
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Cheers
Mel x
Live Life Organised